Make your relationship stronger than ever!
If you want to improve your relationship, there are two simple things you need to do: be willing to take action and be committed to seeing it through. These are two essential steps to being the best partner you can be while you create a happier and healthier relationship. The tricky part is when you think you are willing, but results show that you are not.
If you are not experiencing the relationship that you want then you haven’t been willing to do the things that actually contribute to a happier healthier relationship. In essence, you have been committed to doing the wrong things. Growing up, we aren’t taught the essential commitments of successful relationships; we learn by our interpretation of what we see and sometimes we don’t see things so clearly.
Having the right road map to a healthy partnership is all you need.
The Conscious Leadership Group (CLG), founded by Jim Dethmer and Diana Chapman has created just that kind of roadmap. They have compiled a list of questions that help you to determine your willingness to shift the behavior patterns, thoughts, and beliefs that interfere with you being the best partner you can be. They also have developed a list of commitments that support your willingness.
The first four commitments are key to creating a healthier, more open and honest relationship. To determine your willingness, start by identifying one of your main relationship problems. Just identify one that is present in your relationship currently and repeatedly interferes with you feeling close to and open with your partner. For example, “He never helps around the house and thinks I am a nag when I remind him what needs to be done.”
Then, ask yourself the following questions and see if you’re ready and willing to make the necessary commitments to yourself, your loved one and your relationship.
Here are 4 ways you can commit to being a better partner:
1. Take responsibility.
Ask yourself: Am I willing to take 100 percent responsibility for this issue? Am I willing to stop blaming and criticizing others and myself?
Make a commitment: I commit to taking full responsibility for the circumstances of my life, and my physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well-being. I commit to supporting others to taking full responsibility for their lives.
2. Let go of your ego.
Ask yourself: Am I willing to let go of being right? Am I willing to get more interested in learning than defending my ego?
Make a commitment: I commit to growing in self-awareness. I commit to regarding every interaction as an opportunity to learn. I commit to curiosity as a path to rapid learning.
3. Be authentic.
Ask yourself: Am I willing to feel all of my authentic feelings? Am I willing to allow others to have all their feelings?
Make a commitment: I commit to feeling my feelings all the way through to completion. They come, and I locate them in my body then move, breathe and vocalize them so they release all the way through.
4. Practice healthy communication skills.
Ask yourself: Am I willing to reveal to others all of my withholds? Am I willing to speak unarguably? Am I willing to listen consciously to others?
Make a commitment: I commit to saying what is true for me. I commit to being a person to whom others can express themselves with candor.
It is easy to start where you are willing, simply by practicing the commitment. If you find yourself unwilling to make one or more of the commitments, just start with your areas of unwillingness. It is important to understand that it is not badto be stuck and unwilling to shift.
Knowing where you are unwilling is essential to begin the process of awareness so that you don’t keep spinning your wheels. There is just as much learning and progress in being unwilling as there is in being willing. It is in knowing where you are that you open to learning. You can look at these questions and commitments, find where you are unwilling and just sit with it, watching yourself in action.
If you are unwilling to let go of being right, just notice the next time it creates disconnection. For example: You notice that your partner tries a light switch and the light does not go on. Undeterred he continues to a lamp, turns that on, sits on the couch, and reads the paper.
Your story that he does nothing around the house is flashing in neon in your mind. Then you point out that the light bulb needs to be changed. Notice your tone of voice, your body language, and your emotional state as you speak to your partner.
Observe how you show up when you believe you are right that he does nothing around the house. How do you react when he does not take immediate action? What do you notice in him? Does he become defensive? Watch the pattern of behavior and thoughts unfold in you and see how it invites a reliable response from him. Do you feel close to him at that moment? With your pattern in full view, you get to decide if you want to continue to be right or if you want to create a win-win solution that gets both your needs met.
Whether you are willing in one moment, does not mean you will be unwilling the next. So just keep noticing and asking, “In this moment am I willing to shift?” When you constantly shine a light on your patterns (which takes commitment), you will find that willingness closely follows.
This post was originally published on YourTango.com